Not Quite
by soccer-smoothie
Summary: Takes place after Yuuichi's surgery, post-go, not quite chrono stone. Gouenji visits Yuuichi in the hospital. Their relationship is a bit complicated. / Gouenji/Yuuichi Stuff


It was unexpected, to say the least, when Yuuichi found out who had paid for his surgery. To find out his idol had not only made it possible for him to walk again, but at the same time he was saving soccer…Well, Tsurugi Yuuichi couldn't have been more honored.

Of course, he had expected that to be the end of it. It was enough for him to know that _the_ Gouenji Shuuya even knew who he was. The visits he paid afterwards were a welcome surprise, and he really wondered how lucky he could be to chat with his childhood idol so casually. Extremely lucky, it seemed, because Gouenji kept coming back. They had some great conversation, and really enjoyed each other's company. Their time spent together was friendly and relaxing.

Well, that's where Yuuichi's problems started.

Their conversations were sometimes too easy- even the personal ones, and the painful ones- and Yuuichi very quickly got attached to the older man. They were only a few years apart, so relating to each other was natural. So natural that Yuuichi began to really look forward to Gouenji's visits, and felt quite disappointed whenever he was too busy to come. He enjoyed talking to the person he had always looked up to, now able to call him a friend. Gouenji's visits were something he treasured.

The butterflies, however, were a different matter entirely. As were the subtle glances at Gouenji's lips when he spoke. And the way Yuuichi wanted to see him smile like that _one more time_, because damn, although it wasn't uncommon for Gouenji to smile now and then, Yuuichi felt like he was floating every single time.

This was a problem, of course. Gouenji was close in age, but not _that_ close, and there was no way he'd be interested in some kid. Especially a guy. Even if sometimes they looked at each other a bit too long, or sat a bit too close. Or if Gouenji's hand lingered on Yuuichi's shoulder more than polite company usually allowed.

And there was that one time the nurse compared them to a married couple. Of course, that could be explained by her history with Gouenji- she was an old friend of his, it was perfectly normal to joke like that.

At this point, though, Yuuichi was having trouble assuring himself that it was all just platonic. He couldn't help the little spark of hope he got whenever Gouenji looked at him like that. Like he was the only person that really mattered.

He didn't know, of course, that Gouenji was desperately trying to _not_ look like that, and that Gouenji's two best friends- Endou and Kidou- kept teasing him for it. Not to mention how much he talked about Yuuichi to them.

He also didn't know that Gouenji stayed up late every night to finish work so he could visit, or that he purposefully came when no one else was around. All he knew was Gouenji sometimes looked at him in such a way that he thought he might stop breathing.

To Gouenji, though, that feeling was constant. He was in his twenties now, and of course he knew exactly what he was feeling, but it was so _strong_. Stronger than ever. He hadn't felt such a mixture of admiration and adoration for someone since his middle school years, but even then it wasn't like this. Suffocating and freeing at the same time. Like he couldn't breathe around Yuuichi, but he couldn't breathe without him, either. It was- and he was embarrassed to admit it- the biggest crush he had ever had.

Gouenji felt like a damn schoolgirl.

Kidou and Endou knew, of course. He never told them straight out, but they knew. Every time he said Yuuichi's name they would grin at him. They were supportive, of course, but he didn't really need nor want support. Yuuichi was 18, but despite being a legal adult and mature beyond his years, Gouenji didn't want to tie him down to some old man. Even if he wasn't really that old.

Gouenji knew Yuuichi felt the same, though. He was in no way blind to the looks, or the way he said Gouenji's name. But he didn't want to take advantage of the fact Yuuichi had been his fan for so long- after all, who was to say it wasn't just admiration? Admiration and adoration are closely related, and Gouenji had mixed them up once or twice himself. He didn't want to take the decision away from Yuuichi, so he stayed quiet about his feelings.

He managed to do so throughout his visits, and the day of Yuuichi's hospital release came quickly. Gouenji dreaded it- Yuuichi could see it on his face.

They made a lot of small talk that day, unable to think of anything to say.

"You'll be back on your feet in no time," Gouenji said, eyeing Yuuichi's crutches. He was not smiling, but his tone was friendly.

Yuuichi nodded. _He_ was smiling- always did, around Gouenji. It was easy for him.

"Yes, probably."

It was quiet. Gouenji's eyes drifted to the window, and Yuuichi watched him fondly.

"Gouenji," he started, voice gentle as always. The subject looked back at him, not speaking, but Yuuichi knew he was paying attention, "how would you feel about visiting my home?"

Gouenji seemed surprised for a moment, but now he smiled as well.

"I'd love to, if you'd have me."

"Of course. I think you know I enjoy our conversations- It would be a shame to end them just because I'm leaving the hospital." Yuuichi said.

"You're right." Gouenji's face colored a little bit, and he looked away again, still smiling. Yuuichi found himself feeling a bit reckless as he watched him.

"Gouenji," he repeated, laying his hand over Gouenji's and easily grabbing his attention.

Gouenji watched him carefully, but that was all Yuuichi had to say. Instead, he looked at the blonde, trying to express what he meant without actually using words. Yuuichi's face felt warm, but he was stubborn about certain matters, and would not look away.

Expression changing multiple times, Gouenji slowly deciphered what Yuuichi was trying to communicate. First confusion, then understanding, embarrassment…eventually back to the small smile he had before. Yuuichi felt relief overtake him, and squeezed the hand he was holding.

Gouenji squeezed back and leaned towards him.

Yes, Yuuichi had to be very, very lucky.

* * *

Uhhh. I like gouichi a lot. I also like to think Gouenji didn't just pay and run, y'know? Got to know the guy who's life he changed and all that.


End file.
